Skilled Listening
Though the play time, travel, and relative freedom from schedules is over, the heat index tells us that summer is still with us. Children and youth have returned to school and family schedules are adjusting. My neighborhood’s morning schedule has changed as commuters remind themselves to watch for kids crossing streets and waiting on the bus.
The last season of my sabbatical (July 15-August 16) was filled with some travel, continuing education, and a bit of rest. But, before that June and July were a whirlwind of activity focused around the campers and volunteers of our summer camp program. This year campers and counselors learned how peace works in their lives and the communities in which they live and move. The summer season ended with Mission Camp Road Show which visited Texas City, TX to help with ongoing Hurricane Harvey recovery. Oklahomans uniquely understand the longterm work of recovering from a natural disaster. Learn more about what the group did and how they represented the “Oklahoma standard” by visiting the Region’s website.
During my last season of sabbatical I was reminded of the difference between listening to “get through” and listening “to hear”. That may sound odd, then again, it may resonate. You know, the difference between thinking of your next reply in a conversation versus listening and absorbing what you are hearing. Then, thoughtful pause, and reply. Listening is a skill.
When we begin to act by listening, the rest follows naturally. It’s not so easy, of course—it requires us to give up preconceived ideas, judgments, and desires in order to allow space to hear what is being said. True listening requires a deep respect and a genuine curiosity about situations as well as a willingness just to be there and share stories. Listening opens the space, allows us to hear what needs to be done in that moment. It also allows us to hear when it is better not to act, which is sometimes a hard message to receive.
Mirabai Bush, “When Listening is the Most Radical Act.” gratefulness.org (August 29, 2019) [https://gratefulness.org/resource/why-listening-is-the-most-radical-act/]
All the technology that is a part of life these days, if you choose to use it or not, makes listening harder and a bit easier. Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook (just name dropping a few) give users the ability to share emotion and information, positive and negative as well as true or false, easier, faster, but does that mean we are listening to one another. Or, are we simply using the latest tech megaphone to shout, shout, shout about . . . (fill in the blank). How is your “FOMO” today? Do you have a fear of missing out? Is the idea of your favorite social media platform being offline a day or a week be a gift or does it induce your favorite unconscious stress activity? Listen to yourself. Listen to yourself for a day or a week. What themes are you hearing in the posts you share or actual words you say out loud?
Take a week where you don’t post, but listen to and through the words of people in the stream of your social media platforms. What thoughtfully challenges your assumptions? What is intended to play on your emotion? What affirms your humanity and that of others? I don’t think being counter-cultural means “drop out.” We can, like Jesus did, take time away to recalibrate and rediscover how to be “hard on issues and soft, compassionate on people.”(A phrase used at the Mediation Training that I attended sponsored by the Lombard Mennonite Peace Center. “Hard on issues and soft on people” has been lost in our culture.)
The tough part is disassembling the person from the issue.